The comics I hate are thieves. Nothing’s more disgusting than a guy who steals another person’s ideas and tries to claim them as his own.
It never hurt Lenny Bruce’s career to get arrested for swearing. It did back in the time, but he broke those doors down by doing the stuff that he believed in.
I really feel like it’s a travesty to make a child famous. I really do.
What’s interesting about science is that we’re constantly discovering new things about the universe, about ourselves, about our bodies, about diseases, about the possibilities of the future. It’s amazing. Science is one of the coolest things about being a human being – without a doubt.
The misconception is that standup comics are always on. I don’t know any really funny comics that are annoying and constantly trying to be funny all the time.
I had a sense of who I was before I got famous.
When women go to see men strip, we never accuse you of hating men.
No girl wants a secretly gay boyfriend, every dude wants a secretly gay girlfriend.
People are scared man, they’re scared of the void.
It’s a very strange thing when you make nature illegal.
If the world was an etch-a-sketch, glaciers are the big shake.
The two things I understand best are stand-up comedy and martial arts. And those things require an ultimate grasp of the truth. You have to be objective about your skills and abilities to compete in both.
To me, comedy is a great occupation because I don’t really worry that much about what other people think of me.
Live your life like you’re the hero in your movie.
It’s been one of the most important tools for me in personal growth for understanding myself, how I am, and what effect I do have on other people.
People for the most part can smell lies.
On my left knee I have a long scar from an ACL operation. I’ve had both knees reconstructed.
If someone plays a brooding actor in a film, people think they’re brooding all the time.
If Tyson Griffin was a girl, I’d say he has a badonkadonk.
I had a great time on News Radio, I got to make tons of money in relative obscurity and learn a lot about the TV biz and work on my standup act constantly. It was a dream gig.