Apartment living is tough action. Just the whole idea that you share a washer and dryer always freaked me out.
The key to happiness doesn’t lay in numbers in a bank account but in the way we make others feel.
I don’t really like actors. Actors are like terrible comedians with no punch lines. It’s all about them. They talk about themselves all the time. They bore the sh – t out of you.
Richard Pryor is, in my mind, the most honest comedian. He bared his soul to people. I think that’s why everybody loved him so much.
People say you can abuse marijuana. You can abuse cheeseburgers. Does that mean we should close Burger Kings.
Reality really is theater. There’s no other way to describe it. It’s all so nonsensical, ridiculous and chaotic.
That’s my only goal. Surround myself with funny people, and make sure everyone has a good time and works hard.
I really never had any ambitions to be a standup comic. I was talked into it by guys that I used to work out with.
Every single religion that has ever been on the face of the Earth, ever, is a cult. That’s all they are.
I’ll go to church with anyone who’s willing to smoke pot and look through a telescope with me.
The audience changes every night. You’re the same person. You have to speak your mind and do the stuff that you think is funny and makes you laugh.
It’s painful for me to watch someone who isn’t funny. It’s horrifying to sit in the back and watch some guy who just totally sucks.
I’m a huge Groucho fan. There were some great comic minds that would transfer into any generation, and Groucho is certainly one of them.
Maybe we can combine 2 things that everybody loves. Helping out the poor and blow jobs.
The planet’s spinning a thousand miles an hour around this gigantic nuclear explosion while these people roll these machines with rubber tires over this hard surface that we’ve laid down over the planet so that we can easily move ourselves back and forth.
A lot of times, you beat a person who beat a person who can beat you. I mean, it doesn’t make any sense.
The only time I commit to conspiracy theories is when something way retarded happens. Like Lee Harvey Oswald acting alone.
I see martial arts as moving forms of meditation. When you’re sparring or drilling techniques, you can’t think of anything else.
Martial arts are a vehicle for developing your human potential.
Have you ever talked to someone, and you’re not even really talking to them? Actors are the worst for that.