Don’t censor yourself to comfort their ignorance.
Oh press – must you spread hate? Can’t you just stick to being wrong?
This is what happens when you don’t let gays marry; they start designing clothes out of spite.
They always throw around this term ‘the liberal elite.’ And I kept thinking to myself about the Christian right. What’s more elite than believing that only you will go to heaven?
I have complete faith in the continued absurdity of whatever’s going on.
Fatherhood is great because you can ruin someone from scratch.
The unfortunate, yet truly exciting thing about your life, is that there is no core curriculum. The entire place is an elective.
Why is it that if you take advantage of a corporate tax break you’re a smart businessman, but if you take advantage of something so you don’t go hungry, you’re a moocher?
If you don’t stick to your values when they’re being tested, they’re not values: they’re hobbies.
There’s nothing like a shipwreck to spark the imagination of everyone who was not on that specific ship.
If your regime is not strong enough to handle a joke, then you don’t have a regime.
Yes, reason has been a part of organized religion, ever since two nudists took dietary advice from a talking snake.
Don’t you dare besmirch the name of Congress. They are patriotic Americans trying to dress and feed themselves.
You’ve confused a war on your religion with not always getting everything you want.
Most world religions denounced war as a barbaric waste of human life. We treasured the teachings of these religions so dearly that we frequently had to wage war in order to impose them on other people.
Is listening to Pink Floyd in the dark a medical condition?
I don’t have a sort of Amway-esque chart up on my refrigerator or anything.
Ahh, Earth Day, the only day of the year where being able to hacky-sack will get you laid.
Liberal and conservative have lost their meaning in America. I represent the distracted center.
If everything is amplified, we hear nothing.