Being Larry David on Curb Your Enthusiasm was the best thing to happen to Larry David in life.
Give a guy a girlfriend and a great job, he doesn’t need therapy.
I’d rather have the thieves than the neighbors – the thieves don’t impose. Thieves just want your things, neighbors want your time.
Anyone can be confident with a full head of hair. But a confident bald man – there’s your diamond in the rough.
Switzerland is a place where they don’t like to fight, so they get people to do their fighting for them while they ski and eat chocolate.
I had a wonderful childhood, which is tough because it’s hard to adjust to a miserable adulthood.
Trying on pants is one of the most humiliating things a man can suffer that doesn’t involve a woman.
Who do you think has more freedom: the married man in America or the single man in Communist China?
I need to be on drugs to connect with nature.
Hey, I may loathe myself, but it has nothing to do with the fact that I’m Jewish.
I had a job as a paralegal. I drove a cab.
My defensiveness in life really helps me as a driver.
I think we’re all good and bad, but good’s not funny. Bad is funny. Suppress the good and let the bad out, and then you can be funny.
I’m a jerk, that’s who I am. I’m like everybody else.
There’s nothing that reflects me. I’m unreflectable!
If I tried to flirt with a woman and she didn’t know who I was, she would run away.
A good compromise is when both parties are dissatisfied.
Women love a self-confident bald man.
Actually I walk around with the Emmy wherever I go, but I’m very casual about it.