The only people who should use the possessive ‘we’ are kings, newspaper editors, and persons with tapeworms.
In love, you pay as you leave.
God cures and the doctor sends the bill.
Twenty-four years ago I was strangely handsome; in San Francisco in the rainy season I was often mistaken for fair weather.
Tight pants are just uncomfortable.
You cannot have a theory without principles. Principles is another name for prejudices.
Our lives, our liberty, and our property are never in greater danger than when Congress is in session.
If I can capture truth in its simplest form, beauty will follow like a sledgehammer.
The most successful people are those who do all year long what they would otherwise do on their summer vacation.
It is a shameful thing to insult a child.
The observance of Thanksgiving Day-as a function-has become general of late years. The Thankfulness is not so general. This is natural. Two-thirds of the nation have always had hard luck and a hard time during the year, and this has a calming effect upon their enthusiasm.
If ever you’ve been down in the dumps, hear these iconic authors share with you more than their writing wisdom.
Always obey your parents. When they are present. This is the best policy in the long run. Because if you don’t, they will make you. Most parents think they know better than you do, and you can generally make more by humoring that superstition than you can by acting on your own better judgment.
When congress is in session no American is safe.
Faith is believing things you know aint true.
Patriot: the person who can holler the loudest without knowing what he is hollering about.
Everything human is pathetic. The secret source of humor itself is not joy but sorrow. There is no humor in heaven.
Better a broken promise than none at all.
Lord save us all from a hope tree that has lost the faculty of putting out blossoms.
Truth is mighty and will prevail. There is nothing wrong with this, except that it ain’t so.