Circumstance – which moves by laws of its own, regardless of parties and policies, and whose decrees are final and must be obeyed by all – and will be.
I’m in favor of progress; it’s change I don’t like.
If we had less statemanship we could get along with fewer battleships.
Those who say truth is stranger than fiction have wasted their time on poorly written fiction.
By and by when each nation has 20,000 battleships and 5,000,000 soldiers we shall all be safe and the wisdom of statesmanship will stand confirmed.
I have never taken any exercise, except sleeping and resting, and I never intend to take any. Exercise is loathsome. And it cannot be any benefit when you are tired; and I was always tired.
What is the chief end of man?-to get rich. In what way?-dishonestly if we can; honestly if we must. Who is God, the one and only true? Money is God. Gold and Greenbacks and Stock-father, son, and ghosts of same, three persons in one; These are the true and only God, mighty and supreme.
The idea that no gentleman ever swears is all wrong. He can swear and still be a gentleman if he does it in a nice and benevolent and affectionate way.
Enthusiasm is caught, not taught.
And so when I couldn’t stand it no longer, I lit out. I got into my old rags and my sugar-hogshead again, and was free and satisfied.
I don’t want my girl to be so skinny she can knife me with her knee.
Canadian girls are so pretty it’s a relief now and then to see a plain one.
Learning to play two pairs is worth about as much as a college education, and about as costly.
Loyalty is a word which has worked vast harm; for it has been made to trick men into being “loyal” to a thousand iniquities, whereas the true loyalty should have been to themselves – in which case there would have ensured a rebellion, and the throwing off of that deceptive yoke.
The old saw says, ‘Let a sleeping dog lie.’ Right. Still, when there is much at stake it is better to get a newspaper to do it.
The old saw says – ‘Let a sleeping dog lie.’ Experience knows better; experience says, If you want to convince do it yourself.
After my marriage she edited everything I wrote. And what is more, she not only edited my works, she edited me.
Simple rules for saving money: To save half, when you are fired by an eager impulse to contribute to a charity, wait and count to forty. To save three quarters, count sixty. To save all, count sixty-five.
A half-educated physician is not valuable. He thinks he can cure everything.
The problem with education is school.