Education: that which reveals to the wise, and conceals from the stupid, the vast limits of their knowledge.
The church is always trying to get other people to reform, it might not be a bad idea to reform itself a little, by way of example.
We could use up two Eternities in learning all that is to be learned about our own world and the thousands of nations that have arisen and flourished and vanished from it. Mathematics alone would occupy me eight million years.
If you should rear a duck in the heart of the Sahara, no doubt it would swim if you brought it to the Nile.
An uneasy conscience is a hair in the mouth.
What is Man? Man is a noisome bacillus whom Our Heavenly Father created because he was disappointed in the monkey.
Every citizen of the republic ought to consider himself an unofficial policeman, and keep unsalaried watch and ward over the laws and their execution.
Optimist: day dreamer more elegantly spelled.
When I was younger I could remember anything, whether it happened or not.
It is better to take what does not belong to you than to let it lie around neglected.
Sane and intelligent human beings are like all other human beings, and carefully and cautiously and diligently conceal their private real opinions from the world and give out fictitious ones in their stead for general consumption.
The trouble with the world is not that people know too little; it’s that they know so many things that just aren’t so.
In God We Trust. I don’t believe it would sound any better if it were true.
In India, ‘cold weather’ is merely a conventional phrase and has come into use through the necessity of having some way to distinguish between weather which will melt a brass door-knob and weather which will only make it mushy.
What is human life? The first third a good time; the rest remembering about it.
When everyone is looking for gold, it’s a good time to be in the pick and shovel business.
The nation is divided, half patriots and half traitors, and no man can tell which from which.
To be satisfied with what one has; that is wealth. As long as one sorely needs a certain additional amount, that man isn’t rich.
Adam was not alone in the Garden of Eden, however, and does not deserve all the credit; much is due to Eve, the first woman, and Satan, the first consultant.
I wish I could make him understand that a loving good heart is riches enough, and that without it intellect is poverty.