Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you fall into an open sewer and die.
As long as the world is turning and spinning, we’re gonna be dizzy and we’re gonna make mistakes.
Humor is just another defense against the universe.
Every human being has hundreds of separate people living under his skin. The talent of a writer is his ability to give them their separate names, identities, personalities and have them relate to other characters living with him.
Everything we do in life is based on fear, especially love.
I had low blood sugar, a chemical imbalance, plus the normal nervous breakdown everyone goes through from adolescence to adulthood.
When we got to our hotel rooms, mosquitoes as big as George Foreman were waiting for us. They were sitting in armchairs with their legs crossed.
The thing is to be brave and move the audience with you, instead of cater to the lowest common denominator, you know, slipping on a banana peel and falling on your ass. You got to move the audience a little further ahead in terms of their appreciation of what is comedy. It’s complicated.
Do you have a dollar on you? I hate to answer questions for nothing.
Life literally abounds in comedy if you just look around you.
I’m always stunned when I find out people like Roosevelt and Tolstoy weren’t Jewish. How could I love them so much?
Hope for the Best. Expect the worst. Life is a play. We’re unrehearsed.
A cinema villain essentially needs a moustache so he can twiddle with it gleefully as he cooks up his next nasty plan.
Cat angels are the reason there are no mice angels.
I have always been a huge admirer of my own work. I’m one of the funniest and most entertaining writers I know.