If it's true that our species is alone in the universe, then I’d have to say the universe aimed rather low and settled for very little.
I intend to live forever, or die trying.
I make more mistakes than anyone else I know, and sooner or later, I patent most of them.
I love inside jokes. I hope to be a part of one some day.
The study of economy usually shows us that the best time for purchase was last year.
When everything’s coming your way, you’re in the wrong lane.
Support bacteria – they’re the only culture some people have.
Experience is something you don’t get until just after you need it.
I couldn’t repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.
How do you know you’re having fun if there’s no one watching you have it?
Scientists have calculated that the chances of something so patently absurd actually existing are millions to one. But magicians have calculated that million-to-one chances crop up nine times out of ten.
Geography is just physics slowed down, with a couple of trees stuck in it.
Insanity is catching.
Of course I’m sane, when trees start talking to me, I don’t talk back.
Make love, not war. Unless you’re Loki, in which case: do what you want.
Don’t worry about the world coming to an end today. It is already tomorrow in Australia.
Welcome to Lake Wobegon, where all the women are strong, all the men are good-looking, and all the children are above average.
Hope for the Best. Expect the worst. Life is a play. We’re unrehearsed.
I’m growing older, but not up.
I used to think that the brain was the most wonderful organ in my body. Then I realized who was telling me this.