A girl phoned me the other day and said, ‘Come on over. There’s nobody home.’ I went over. Nobody was home.
My mother had morning sickness after I was born.
I tell ya, gambling never agreed with me. Last week I went to the track and they shot my horse with the opening gun.
When I was a kid my parents moved a lot, but I always found them.
You know you’re ugly when you go to the proctologist and he sticks his finger in your mouth.
A man in the crowd asks: Hey Rodney, how’d you get started? Rodney: I was 12 years old, alone in my room, and I got started!
I say ‘no’ to drugs. Whenever someone asks me for some of my drugs, I say, ‘no’.
I saved a girl from being attacked last night. I controlled myself.
My parents didn’t like me. For bathtub toys they gave me a blender and a transistor radio.
My father carries around the picture of the kid who came with his wallet.