Said Hamlet to Ophelia, I’ll draw a sketch of thee. What kind of pencil shall I use? 2B or not 2B?
Money can’t buy you happiness but it does bring you a more pleasant form of misery.
After Puckoon I swore I’d never write another book. This is it.
The width of neck and shoulder suggested a rugby player, the broken nose confirmed it. Which shows just how wrong you can be as he never played the game in his life.
Patience, thought Milligan, that word was invented by dull buggers who couldn’t think quick enough.
Professor Milligan will now play his tree! The composition is in A Minor, the tree is in A garden.
All I ask is the chance to prove that money can’t make me happy.
I have the body of an eighteen year old. I keep it in the fridge.
I thought I’d begin by reading a poem by Shakespeare, but then I thought, why should I? He never reads any of mine.
We haven’t got a plan so nothing can go wrong!
Money can’t buy friends, but you can get a better class of enemy.
A sure cure for seasickness is to sit under a tree.
My Father had a profound influence on me. He was a lunatic.
You can fool some of the people all of the time, and all the people some of the time, which is just long enough to be president of the United States.
We were making love in the back of a truck and we got carried away.
Life is a long agonized illness only curable by death.