You kill me and I’ll see that you never work in this town again.
With comedy, you never know until you put it in front of an audience. You shoot it and a year later you have no idea if it’s going to work. And then you get the response. It’s great when it’s good.
So, I can hurt now, or hurt later.
Reviews for someone like me come in three packages. One is justifiable praise, the second is justifiable criticism, and the third is, “This is only published because he’s a celebrity.”
I love animated films when they are good, because they do bring a lot of emotion and heart that’s very difficult to get in a live action film.
I started a grease fire at McDonald’s – threw a match in the cook’s hair.
It’s not tipping I believe in. It’s overtipping.
I’m the leader of the platoon and I run gambling and lotteries, dances and I sell beer illegally. I’m a con man and I’m thoroughly lovable.
It was so sweet backstage, you should have seen it: The Teamsters were helping Michael Moore into the trunk of his limo.
I’m a bitter, sad, sour young man who makes a career out of hastling people with real careers.
Talent is the ability to say things well, but genius is the ability to, well, say things.
I’ve decided to take up smoking, my doctor said I wasn’t getting enough tar.
I would like a wine. The purpose of the wine is to get me drunk. A bad wine will get me as drunk as a good wine. I would like the good wine. And since the result is the same no matter which wine I drink, I’d like to pay the bad wine price.
Ah, yes. I remember my first beer.
I just respected comedians whether they were or they weren’t, from, you know, new or old.
Anyone who’s ever worked with Meryl Streep always says the same thing: can that woman act! And what’s with all the Hitler memorabilia?
It was essential that I never show doubt about what I was doing.
As much as I remember, I just thought, I want to sing a song that starts normal and ends crazy.
It’s not what you know, it’s what you think you know.
I believe you should place a woman on a pedestal: high enough so you can look up her dress.