First the doctor told me the good news: I was going to have a disease named after me.
Acting is collaborative because you are working with another actor, and it’s almost like a two-man juggling team. You have to really be in sync.
Chaos in the midst of chaos isn’t funny, but chaos in the midst of order is.
I think I did pretty well, considering I started out with nothing but a bunch of blank paper.
I’m tired of wasting letters when punctuation will do, period.
With comedy, you have no place to go but more comedy, so you’re never off the hook.
I believe entertainment can aspire to be art, and can become art, but if you set out to make art you’re an idiot.
I handed in a script last year and the studio didn’t change one word. The word they didn’t change was on page 87.
I just believe that the interesting time in a career is pre-success, what shaped things, how did you get to this point.
How to make a million dollars: First, get a million dollars.
You know that look that women get when they want to have sex? Me neither.
A kiss may not be the truth, but it is what we wish were true.
Any type of humor can be transferred to the screen, as long as there’s clarity. The audience wants to know just what they’re supposed to be feeling, when they’re supposed to laugh.
I cringe at backstory. Because it never quite explains or gets into some psychological thing that is never quite right and never quite the truth and who knows why someone is some way.
I cannot smell mothballs because it’s so difficult to get their little legs apart.
An apology? Bah! Disgusting! Cowardly! Beneath the dignity of any gentleman, however wrong he might be.
Boy, those French: they have a different word for everything!
Don’t have sex man. It leads to kissing and pretty soon you have to start talking to them.
The conscious mind is the editor, and the subconscious mind is the writer.
Hosting the Oscars is much like making love to a woman. It’s something I only get to do when Billy Crystal is out of town.