I was mad when I heard The Amazing Race wasn’t about white people.
The best way to travel abroad is to live with the locals.
If John McCain were really a war hero he would’ve won Vietnam.
Every time I see a child walking down the street I like to trip them. While they look for their missing teeth, I personally remind them that no matter how hard they try I will always be better than them.
Don’t get me started on cold toilet seats.
If I wasn’t an actor? Hmm, I’d probably be a serial killer. I’m just so damn likeable, no one would ever suspect me.