Heaven lies about us in our infancy and the world begins lying about us pretty soon afterward.
Creditor. One of a tribe of savages dwelling beyond the Financial Straits and dreaded for their desolating incursions.
Convent – a place of retirement for women who wish for leisure to meditate upon the sin of idleness.
Heaven: A place where the wicked cease from troubling you with talk of their personal affairs, and the good listen with attention while you expound on yours.
Calamities are of two kinds: misfortunes to ourselves, and good fortune to others.
Barometer, n.: An ingenious instrument which indicates what kind of weather we are having.
Bacchus, n.: A convenient deity invented by the ancients as an excuse for getting drunk.
Alien – an American sovereign in his probationary state.
Trial. A formal inquiry designed to prove and put upon record the blameless characters of judges, advocates and jurors.
Learning, n. The kind of ignorance distinguishing the studious.
Litigant. A person about to give up his skin for the hope of retaining his bones.
Spring beckons! All things to the call respond; the trees are leaving and cashiers abscond.
There is nothing new under the sun but there are lots of old things we don’t know.
Heathen, n. A benighted creature who has the folly to worship something that he can see and feel.
Bigamy, n. A mistake in taste for which the wisdom of the future will adjudge a punishment called trigamy.
Land: A part of the earth’s surface, considered as property. The theory that land is property subject to private ownership and control is the foundation of modern society, and is eminently worthy of the superstructure.
What this country needs what every country needs occasionally is a good hard bloody war to revive the vice of patriotism on which its existence as a nation depends.
Consul – in American politics, a person who having failed to secure an office from the people is given one by the Administration on condition that he leave the country.
Childhood: the period of human life intermediate between the idiocy of infancy and the folly of youth – two removes from the sin of manhood and three from the remorse of age.
I believe we shall come to care about people less and less. The more people one knows the easier it becomes to replace them. It’s one of the curses of London.