Christian – One who follows the teachings of Christ insofar as they are not inconsistent with a life of sin.
Age – That period of life in which we compound for the vices that remain by reviling those we have no longer the vigor to commit.
Inhumanity, n. One of the signal and characteristic qualities of humanity.
Opportunity: A favorable occasion for grasping a disappointment.
As a means of dispensing formulated ignorance our boasted public school system is not without merit; it spreads out education sufficiently thin to give everyone enough to make him a more competent fool than he would have been without it...
Cribbage, n. A substitute for conversation among those to whom nature has denied ideas.
Clarinet n. An instrument of torture operated by a person with cotton in his ears. There are two instruments worse than a clarinet – two clarinets.
Patriotism is as fierce as a fever, pitiless as the grave, blind as a stone, and irrational as a headless hen.
DISOBEDIENCE, n. The silver lining to the cloud of servitude.
I was born to poor because of honest parents.
Laziness. Unwarranted repose of manner in a person of low degree.
God alone knows the future, but only an historian can alter the past.
Good-bye – if you hear of my being stood up against a stone wall and shot to rags please know that I think that a pretty good way to depart this life. It beats old age, disease or falling down the cellar stairs.
San Francisco is the place where most people were last seen.
Peace in international affairs: a period of cheating between periods of fighting.
Infidel, n. In New York, one who does not believe in the Christian religion; in Constantinople, one who does.
NIHILIST, n. A Russian who denies the existence of anything but Tolstoi. The leader of the school is Tolstoi.
Self-evident, adj. Evident to one’s self and to nobody else.
An absolute monarchy is one in which the sovereign does as he pleases so long as he pleases the assassins.
Impartial – unable to perceive any promise of personal advantage from espousing either side of a controversy.