NEPOTISM, n. Appointing your grandmother to office for the good of the party.
WASHINGTONIAN, n. A Potomac tribesman who exchanged the privilege of governing himself for the advantage of good government. In justice to him it should be said that he did not want to.
Liar: A lawyer with a roving commission.
If you would be accounted great by your contemporaries, be not too much greater than they.
SCRAP-BOOK, n. A book that is commonly edited by a fool. Many persons of some small distinction compile scrap-books containing whatever they happen to read about themselves or employ others to collect.
USAGE, n. The First Person of the literary Trinity, the Second and Third being Custom and Conventionality. Imbued with a decent reverence for this Holy Triad an industrious writer may hope to produce books that will live as long as the fashion.
GUILLOTINE, n. A machine which makes a Frenchman shrug his shoulders with good reason.
GOOD, adj. Sensible, madam, to the worth of this present writer. Alive, sir, to the advantages of letting him alone.
Pun: A form of wit, to which wise men stoop and fools aspire.
PRESIDE, v. To guide the action of a deliberative body to a desirable result. In Journalese, to perform upon a musical instrument; as, “He presided at the piccolo.”
REALISM, n. The art of depicting nature as it is seem by toads. The charm suffusing a landscape painted by a mole, or a story written by a measuring-worm.
PROPHECY, n. The art and practice of selling one’s credibility for future delivery.
QUOTIENT, n. A number showing how many times a sum of money belonging to one person is contained in the pocket of another – usually about as many times as it can be got there.
ASS, n. A public singer with a good voice but no ear.
Hurry n: The dispatch of bunglers.
RECOUNT, n. In American politics, another throw of the dice, accorded to the player against whom they are loaded.
Nothing is more logical than persecution. Religious tolerance is a kind of infidelity.
HASH: There is no definition for this word – nobody knows what hash is.
DEJEUNER, n. The breakfast of an American who has been in Paris. Variously pronounced.
CRAYFISH, n. A small crustacean very much resembling the lobster, but less indigestible.