Intolerance is natural and logical, for in every dissenting opinion lies an assumption of superior wisdom.
A bad workman quarrels with the man who calls him that.
Fashion, n. A despot whom the wise ridicule and obey.
Christians and camels receive their burdens kneeling.
Behavior, n. Conduct, as determined, not by principle, but by breeding.
Appetite, n. An instinct thoughtfully implanted by Providence as a solution to the labor question.
PICKANINNY, n. The young of the “Procyanthropos”, or “Americanus dominans”. It is small, black and charged with political fatalities.
When you are ill make haste to forgive your enemies, for you may recover.
ECCENTRICITY, n. A method of distinction so cheap that fools employ it to accentuate their incapacity.
ULTIMATUM, n. In diplomacy, a last demand before resorting to concessions.
An immaterial but visible being that inhabited the air when the air was an element and before it was fatally polluted with factory smoke, sewer gas and similar products of civilization.
HATRED, n. A sentiment appropriate to the occasion of another’s superiority.
WIDOW, n. A pathetic figure that the Christian world has agreed to take humorously, although Christ’s tenderness towards widows was one of the most marked features of his character.
REVOLUTION, n. A bursting of the boilers which usually takes place when the safety valve of public discussion is closed.
RADIUM, n. A mineral that gives off heat and stimulates the organ that a scientist is a fool with.
PROOF, n. Evidence having a shade more of plausibility than of unlikelihood. The testimony of two credible witnesses as opposed to that of only one.
OBSERVATORY, n. A place where astronomers conjecture away the guesses of their predecessors.
MOUSE, n. An animal which strews its path with fainting women.
TELESCOPE, n. A device having a relation to the eye similar to that of the telephone to the ear, enabling distant objects to plague us with a multitude of needless details. Luckily it is unprovided with a bell summoning us to the sacrifice.
Magpie, n.: A bird whose theivish disposition suggested to someone that it might be taught to talk.