PRE-EXISTENCE, n. An unnoted factor in creation.
UGLINESS, n. A gift of the gods to certain women, entailing virtue without humility.
DECALOGUE, n. A series of commandments, ten in number – just enough to permit an intelligent selection for observance, but not enough to embarrass the choice.
PIRACY, n. Commerce without its folly-swaddles, just as God made it.
PLEONASM, n. An army of words escorting a corporal of thought.
URBANITY, n. The kind of civility that urban observers ascribe to dwellers in all cities but New York. Its commonest expression is heard in the words, “I beg your pardon,” and it is not consistent with disregard of the rights of others.
Duck-bill, n. Your account at your restaurant during the canvas-back season.
PHYSIOGNOMY, n. The art of determining the character of another by the resemblances and differences between his face and our own, which is the standard of excellence.
GEOGRAPHER, n. A chap who can tell you offhand the difference between the outside of the world and the inside.
DIAGNOSIS, n. A physician’s forecast of disease by the patient’s pulse and purse.
POETRY, n. A form of expression peculiar to the Land beyond the Magazines.
INGRATE, n. One who receives a benefit from another, or is otherwise an object of charity.
ENOUGH, pro. All there is in the world if you like it.
Opposition, n. In politics the party that prevents the government from running amuck by hamstringing it.
INTERPRETER, n. One who enables two persons of different languages to understand each other by repeating to each what it would have been to the interpreter’s advantage for the other to have said.
VITUPERATION, n. Saite, as understood by dunces and all such as suffer from an impediment in their wit.
WAR, n. A by-product of the arts of peace. The most menacing political condition is a period of international amity.
PREHISTORIC, adj. Belonging to an early period and a museum. Antedating the art and practice of perpetuating falsehood.
MANICHEISM, n. The ancient Persian doctrine of an incessant warfare between Good and Evil. When Good gave up the fight the Persians joined the victorious Opposition.
MESMERISM, n. Hypnotism before it wore good clothes, kept a carriage and asked Incredulity to dinner.