Contempt; the feeling of a prudent man for an enemy who is too formidable safely to be opposed.
Funeral: a pageant whereby we attest our respect for the dead by enriching the undertaker, and strengthen our grief by an expenditure that deepens our groans and doubles our tears.
Hypocrisy: prejudice with a halo.
Custard: A detestable substance produced by a malevolent conspiracy of the hen, the cow, and the cook.
When among the graves of thy fellows, walk with circumspection; thine own is open at thy feet.
What is worth doing is worth the trouble of asking somebody to do it.
War: A by-product of the arts of peace.
Friendship: A ship big enough for two in fair weather, but only one in foul.
Think twice before you speak to a friend in need.
ARMOR, n. The kind of clothing worn by a man whose tailor is a blacksmith.
TRUTHFUL, adj. Dumb and illiterate.
You are not permitted to kill a woman who has wronged you, but nothing forbids you to reflect that she is growing older every minute.
Patriotism: The first resort of a scoundrel.
Admiral. That part of a warship which does the talking while the figurehead does the thinking.
PUSH, n. One of the two things mainly conducive to success, especially in politics. The other is Pull.
Congratulations is the civility of envy.
The fact that boys are allowed to exist at all is evidence of a remarkable Christian forebearance among men.
OPIATE, n. An unlocked door in the prison of Identity. It leads into the jail yard.
That part of your friend which it is your privilege to contemplate in your adversity.
Kiss. n. A word invented by the poets as a rhyme for “bliss”.