Alligator: The crocodile of America, superior in every detail to the crocodile of the effete monarchies of the Old World.
The god of the world’s leading religion.
A book which the Mohammedans foolishly believe to have been written by divine inspiration, but which Christians know to be a wicked imposture, contradictory to the Holy Scriptures.
A comely female inhabiting the Mohammedan Paradise to make things cheery for the good Mussulman, whose belief in her existence marks a noble discontent with his earthly spouse, whom he denies a soul.
A large stone presented by the archangel Gabriel to the patriarch Abraham, and preserved at Mecca. The patriarch had perhaps asked the archangel for bread.
Example is better than following it.
PANTALOONS, n. A nether habiliment of the adult civilized male. The garment is tubular and unprovided with hinges at the points of flexion. Supposed to have been invented by a humorist. Called trousers by the enlightened and pants by the unworthy.
A revolution is a violent change of mismanagement.
A bird in the hand is worth what it will bring.
He laughs best who laughs least.
A man is the sum of his ancestors; to reform him you must begin with a dead ape and work downward through a million graves.
ELECTOR, n. One who enjoys the sacred privilege of voting for the man of another man’s choice.
POLICE, n. An armed force for protection and participation.
LUMINARY, One who throws light upon a subject; as an editor by not writing about it.
MARTYR, One who moves along the line of least reluctance to a desired death.
Censor, n. An officer of certain governments, employed to supress the works of genius. Among the Romans the censor was an inspector of public morals, but the public morals of modern nations will not bear inspection.
Miss, n. A title which we brand unmarried women to indicate that they are in the market.
Empty wine bottles have a bad opinion of women.
Scribbler, n. A professional writer whose views are antagonistic to one’s own.
ADDER, n. A species of snake. So called from its habit of adding funeral outlays to the other expenses of living.