Yesterday, some hooligans knocked over a dustbin in Shaftesbury.
Jesus-murdered. Martin Luther King-murdered. Gandhi-murdered. Malcolm X-murdered. Reagan-wounded.
The definition of black irony is Pro-lifers killing Doctors who do abortions.
Let’s do some comedy. I always like to add some comedy to my show. Those who’ve seen me before might know that.
It’s really weird how your life changes. Tonight I’m drinking water. Four years ago? Opium. Night and day, you know?
I wish I could meet a Christian who would proselytize to me, but they keep running away from me. I wanna talk to you all.
I love talking about the Kennedy assassination. The reason I do is because I’m fascinated by it. I’m fascinated that our government could lie to us so blatantly, so obviously for so long, and we do absolutely nothing about it.
I’m an American who loves an America which doesn’t exist, which is a land of freedom and free ideas.
Nicotine patches are great. Stick one over each eye and you can’t find your fags.
I’m just skin covering coffee and some real nervous teeth.
Well we looked at all the people in the Bible and we added ’em up all the way back to Adam and Eve, their ages: 12,000 years.
And I’m not getting laid! What am I doing wrong?
I was in a cab in New York. The cab had a sign, “Please do not smoke, Christ is our unseen guest.” This guy was reaching. I figure, if he could overcome being nailed to a cross, I don’t think a Marlboro Light’s gonna faze him that much.
Humanity is just a virus with shoes.
We’re supposed to keep evolving. Evolution did not end with us growing opposable thumbs. You do know that, right?
Ever noticed that people who believe in Creationism look really unevolved?
I do not believe making money in order to consume goods is mankind’s sole purpose on this planet.
A lotta Christians wear crosses ’round their necks; do you think if Jesus comes back he ever wants to see another cross?
I’ve said all that I’ve had to say.
Dinosaur fossils were placed in rocks by prankster God just to make human beings think the world is older than it is.