Well we looked at all the people in the Bible and we added ’em up all the way back to Adam and Eve, their ages: 12,000 years.
And I’m not getting laid! What am I doing wrong?
I was in a cab in New York. The cab had a sign, “Please do not smoke, Christ is our unseen guest.” This guy was reaching. I figure, if he could overcome being nailed to a cross, I don’t think a Marlboro Light’s gonna faze him that much.
Humanity is just a virus with shoes.
We’re supposed to keep evolving. Evolution did not end with us growing opposable thumbs. You do know that, right?
Ever noticed that people who believe in Creationism look really unevolved?
I do not believe making money in order to consume goods is mankind’s sole purpose on this planet.
A lotta Christians wear crosses ’round their necks; do you think if Jesus comes back he ever wants to see another cross?
I’ve said all that I’ve had to say.
Dinosaur fossils were placed in rocks by prankster God just to make human beings think the world is older than it is.
Okay, I got one word to ask you, a one word question, ready?
Childbirth is no more a miracle then eating food and a turd coming out of your ass.
It’s my object to be stared at like a dog that’s just been shown a card trick.
We are one with God and He loves us. Now if that isn’t a hazard to this country-How’re we gonna keep building nuclear weapons?
Is it impossible to imagine Americans sneaking into Mexico en masse, seeking regular employment and a better way of life?
Ultimately, it is in fun. It is supposed to be highly entertaining.
Sometimes you feel in control, and it’s great, but sometimes you just don’t feel in control and you really have to struggle to get laughs.
I find it ironic that people who are against things that cause sexual thoughts are generally fundamentalist Christians who also believe you should be fruitful and multiply.
I can’t believe a war against drugs when they have anti-drug commercials on TV all day long followed by This Bud is for you.
How dare you have wino tell me not to do drugs.