I’ve always been fascinated by the difference between the jokes you can tell your friends but you can’t tell to an audience. There’s a fine line you have to tread because you don’t know who is out there in the auditorium. A lot of people are too easily offended.
Fame is being asked to sign your autograph on the back of a cigarette packet.
I don’t aim to offend.
I don’t understand art-speak. My pictures are big doodles. I’m amazed what people come up with when they look at them. There’s one of a figure with two heads that somebody thought must be a comment on the state of matrimony. None of it is a comment on anything.
I love Los Angeles. It reinvents itself every two days.
Once you become successful, people know where you live, the type of house you live in, the kind of car you drive, the clothes you wear, and so it would be patronising to go and talk like a welder. Welding’s a mystery to me now. You can’t go back, your life changes every day.
I don’t have wild dogs chasing people with scripts away from my door. I get my share. I’ve done okay. But I usually do independent stuff because that’s mostly what I’m offered.
I loved Japan. I used to read a lot about it when I was a child. And I always wanted to go. And it was delightful. I absolutely loved it. What a smashing place.
I don’t believe in angels and I have trouble with the whole God thing. I don’t want to say I don’t believe in God, but I don’t think I do. But I believe in people who do.
I started to draw desert islands. They were just rough, shapes in the middle of the page. Then I began drawing shapes within those shapes and I was amazed how quickly the islands got better. It took off from there.
Ally MacLeod thinks that tactics are a new kind of mint.
Don’t work out, work in.
I have been made redundant before and it is a terrible blow; redundant is a rotten word because it makes you think you are useless.
If you don’t know how to meditate at least try to spend some time every day just sitting.
The world needs more Edwin Morgans, people who can take the language and swing it round their heads and don’t care what you think.
I always look skint. When I buy a Big Issue, people take it out of my hand and give me a pound.
People who announce they are going to the toilet. Thanks that’s an image I really didn’t need.
If you want to lose a bit of weight, don’t eat anything out of a bucket.
Avoid people who say they know the answer. Keep the company of people who are trying to understand the question.
Save the Trees? Trees are the main cause of Forest Fires!