I think age is terribly overrated. You’re okay as long as you don’t grow up. By all means grow old, but don’t mature. Remain childlike, retain wonder, the ability to be flabbergasted by something.
Don’t tell me how to do my job. I don’t come to your workplace and tell you how to sweep up.
If I had a hammer, there’d be no more folksingers.
A woman’s mind is as complex as the contents of her handbag; even when you get to the bottom of it, there is ALWAYS something at the bottom to surprise you!
Marriage is a wonderful invention: then again, so is a bicycle repair kit.
Wisdom isn’t an old guy on top of a mountain in a loin cloth. It isn’t an answer. It’s a question.
If you give people a chance, they shine.
Did your mother never tell you not to drink on an empty head?
I’d always been scared of people with tertiary education and high intellects in case they found me wanting. I thought they viewed me as just a welder who knew a few jokes.
Who discovered we could get milk from cows, and what did he THINK he was doing at the time?
I’m actually pale blue: it takes me a week of sunbathing to turn white.
The great thing about Glasgow is that if there’s a nuclear attack it’ll look exactly the same afterwards.
It seems to me that Islam and Christianity and Judaism all have the same god, and he’s telling them all different things.
I once travelled to Adelaide on Emu Airways. I was 5,000 ft up in the air when someone pointed out to me that emus can’t fly.
Whenever I wear something expensive it looks stolen.
Where do you go when you die? The same place you were before you were born; nowhere! It’s over!
Scottish-Americans tell you that if you want to identify tartans, it’s easy – you simply look under the kilt, and if it’s a quarter-pounder, you know it’s a McDonald’s.
I’m one of the school of people who don’t do research of the reality of the thing or the unreality of the thing. In all the movies I’ve done, I’ve never done any research.
Sometimes there’s a tackiness about Route 66 that out-tacks any tackiness I’ve ever seen anywhere else. And the Meramec Caverns are the pinnacle of that tack.
On George W Bush: That man sits at that desk in the White House with the button that can end the world. My father’s younger than him and we don’t give him the controls for the television.