And an anteater plus a large hungry mutant ant? An ironic way to die.
I get more ass than a giant donkey stable.
I’m gay for Jesus, fill me with your grace. Pour your love all over me, but please aim away from my face.
I’m very interested in trying to make comedy shows that are a bit bigger, more theatrical, more of a “show.” Some people might say I’m trying too hard, but that’s a compliment to me. I like to inject a bit of production value and flair to comedy, or at least to my little corner of comedy.
I never said I was funny, OK, so stop staring at me...
Even if he is your friend, never, ever call an Asian person.
You guys like impressions? Why?
For me, if you distill comedy down, it is surprise and the unexpected. That has to be it on its most base level, in any form.
I’m a drunken midget with a loaded gun, a loaded gun.
I don’t try to call myself a poet. But I know that my stuff is pretty literal, in that the themes are pretty simple and on the surface.
Happy Thanksgiving, everyone. I’m thankful for all of you. I am not thankful for the pilgrims. Buckles should never be on hats.
I worked eight hours a day just so I could get into the college of my dreams and say that I got in – and I never went.
I like to call everyone that I find slightly annoying a ‘sociopath.’
I just try to do things on stage that I think the audience would enjoy. And I try to draw on and add to acts that I’ve enjoyed watching.
I have a pretty good math mind, so I can see patterns, but I don’t have a great ear. It’s like a tragedy – I can see so much more natural musical ability in so many other people.
I don’t consciously try to make things difficult as much as I try to make them a little different. I like all kinds of laughs. I tried to make a show that elicit groans, guffaws, chuckles, boos.
I think controversy has this allusion of being controversial but it’s totally not, which is why I’m trying to get away from it because it’s just easy and automatic.
It’s not most important to communicate myself on stage as it is to be as funny or interesting as I possibly can on stage. I feel more like I’m doing a play whose main character just happens to share my name.
No one entertains the thought that maybe God does not believe in you.
And two balls minus one, six titles at the tour de France.