Maybe life on earth could be heaven, doesn’t just the thought of it make it worth a try?
Bitches and hoes don’t exist because the hoes know Bo’s a feminist.
Comedy is very strange to me and I don’t fully understand it’s purpose or function.
What do you call a kid with no arms and an eyepatch? Names.
I misdirect the audience, so they have no idea where they are or who they’re listening to.
We’re having a traditional Thanksgiving – turkey, mashed potatoes, hat buckles, smallpox, genocide, a blue corn moon, etc.
For fifteen cents a day you can feed an African, they eat pennies.
There’s a metal train that a mile long and at the very back end a lightning bolt struck her. How long til it reaches and kills the driver, provided that he’s a good conductor?
When I see someone filming me, I don’t usually think, ‘No, man, don’t put this up online!’ I’d think, ‘Hey man, you don’t get to go to shows very often, put down the camera and enjoy it!’ I love going to theatre and to shows so much.
There’s a certain line between jokes and music and poetry that’s a bit blurred in my mind.
I’ve found, across the board, that comedians have been very respectful and kind to me. And that seems to stem from the fact that they are just respectful and kind people in general. Comedians get a bad rap for being dark and anti-social I think.
I chose to do comedy instead of going to college.
I never felt like I was stealing anyone’s fans as much as I was introducing some younger people to comedy who will eventually find tons of other comedians that they love.
All you god damn dirty Catholics can cath-o-lick my balls.
I’m friends with a lot of comedians, but we don’t talk about material. Most comedians I know don’t watch a lot of other comedy.
I’m not a grown up until everybody realises I’m a grown up. When everyone remembers me as the dirty kid singing little songs I am the dirty little kid.
The average person has one Fallopian tube.
What’s a pirate minus the ship? just a creative homeless guy.
I love you like a gay geneticist loves designer genes.
And if ten percent of men are gay and twenty percent of men are Chinese, what are the odds that a men chosen at random spends his free time and mealtime while on his knees.