I’ve found, across the board, that comedians have been very respectful and kind to me. And that seems to stem from the fact that they are just respectful and kind people in general. Comedians get a bad rap for being dark and anti-social I think.
I chose to do comedy instead of going to college.
I never felt like I was stealing anyone’s fans as much as I was introducing some younger people to comedy who will eventually find tons of other comedians that they love.
All you god damn dirty Catholics can cath-o-lick my balls.
I’m friends with a lot of comedians, but we don’t talk about material. Most comedians I know don’t watch a lot of other comedy.
I’m not a grown up until everybody realises I’m a grown up. When everyone remembers me as the dirty kid singing little songs I am the dirty little kid.
The average person has one Fallopian tube.
What’s a pirate minus the ship? just a creative homeless guy.
I love you like a gay geneticist loves designer genes.
And if ten percent of men are gay and twenty percent of men are Chinese, what are the odds that a men chosen at random spends his free time and mealtime while on his knees.
And an anteater plus a large hungry mutant ant? An ironic way to die.
I get more ass than a giant donkey stable.
I’m gay for Jesus, fill me with your grace. Pour your love all over me, but please aim away from my face.
I’m very interested in trying to make comedy shows that are a bit bigger, more theatrical, more of a “show.” Some people might say I’m trying too hard, but that’s a compliment to me. I like to inject a bit of production value and flair to comedy, or at least to my little corner of comedy.
I never said I was funny, OK, so stop staring at me...
Even if he is your friend, never, ever call an Asian person.
You guys like impressions? Why?
For me, if you distill comedy down, it is surprise and the unexpected. That has to be it on its most base level, in any form.
I’m a drunken midget with a loaded gun, a loaded gun.
I don’t try to call myself a poet. But I know that my stuff is pretty literal, in that the themes are pretty simple and on the surface.