If you can think of all the times in your life, some of the happiest times were probably when you were laughing. And some of the worst times in your life you were being laughed at.
When I tried to hit puberty I swung and I missed.
Comedy is the one absolutely self-aware art form. Actually, hip-hop’s another one, I suppose. Because in your songs you’re talking about how good a hip-hop artist you are. It’s like a painter painting a panting of himself painting a painting.
Twitter is a lot like crystal meth, because it’s really fun to do and Oprah’s on it.
Was Einstein’s theory good? Relatively.
I got a safe full of cherries ’cause I pop it and lock it.
Happy Thanksgiving! I broke into Best Buy and stole a copy of Pocahontas to celebrate.
I think the love-hate is fundamental. Everyone hates reality television, and everyone’s watching it. Everyone hates Facebook, and everyone is on it.
I don’t like calling myself a “feminist” only because I don’t think I’ve done anything active enough to call myself one. It’d be like calling myself a civil rights activist just because I’m not racist.
Laughter is the best medicine, y’know, besides medicine.
My work is trying to at least define myself on my own terms, and then if other people enjoy things that’s a lovely addition.
I stopped and I thought, ‘What would Jesus do?’ So I didn’t exist.
I’ve found nothing but support and generosity from older comics. I think comedians are a lot nicer than the stigma is, at least from my experience.
At the time of ‘Words, Words, Words,’ I’m a 19-year-old getting up feeling like he’s entitled to do comedy and tell you what he thinks of the world, so that’s inherently a little bit ridiculous.
I met a bipolar bear. He laughed, cried, then wanted a threesome.
When life gets you down, make a comforter!
In the distance, Bo saw a fairy. A fairy so beautiful that he felt proud of being called one in highschool.
I remember being superyoung, like nine or ten years old, and thinking, ‘Man, I wonder what famous people eat for breakfast. They must have some special kind of cereal!’ My mind was so warped by the idea of fame.
My persona is most importantly just to communicate the material in a way that is most funny and meaningful in the moment. It’s more like a character that’s sculpted for whatever joke needs communicating at the moment.
Do unto others as you would have them do to you, said the rapist.