No one party can fool all of the people all of the time; that’s why we have two parties.
If you haven’t got any charity in your heart, you have the worst kind of heart trouble.
You know you’ve reached middle age when your weightlifting consists merely of standing up.
Bing Crosby and I weren’t the types to go around kissing each other. We always had a light jab for each other. One of our stock lines used to be “There’s nothing I wouldn’t do for Bing, and there’s nothing he wouldn’t do for me.” And that’s the way we go through life – doing nothing for each other!
My secret for staying young is good food, plenty of rest, and a makeup man with a spray gun.
When she started to play, Steinway came down personally and rubbed his name off the piano.
My next door neighbor just had a pacemaker installed. They’re still working the bugs out, though. Every time he makes love, my garage door opens.
I went to play golf and tried to shoot my age, but I shot my weight instead.
People who throw kisses are hopelessly lazy.
Kids are wonderful, but I like mine barbecued.
Middle age is when your age starts to show around your middle.
Eighty is when you order a steak and the headwaiter puts it through the blender. Or when you wake up as many times during the night as Burt Reynolds, but not for the same reason.
A photographer kept shooting me every time I swung. I was very flattered until I found out he was from Field and Stream.
My old friend Jack Benny has only had one ball all his golfing life. And now he’s lost it. The string came off!
Bing Crosby and I play a lot of golf together and I have a small course at my place where we often play for side stakes. The only troulbe is that when I win, I always have to engage and attorney before I can draw the money.
I do benefits for all religions – I’d hate to blow the hereafter on a technicality.
Celebrities have a way of touching our lives. Perhaps we are influenced by their screen image, or perhaps by their acquired status. Here are some celebrity quotes about Christmas. You will find that just like everybody else, celebrities also enjoy the little pleasures of Christmas.
Gerry Ford is easy to spot on the course. He drives the cart with the red cross painted on top.
You’ve got to be rich to have a swing like that.
I love to go to Washington – if only to be near my money.