I’ve never wanted an Oscar, although they are reassuring to an actor who doesn’t know how really great he is.
It flies so high, I swear I heard the organs playing.
Be happy you guys. Be proud! You know what you are: you’re God’s frozen people.
I like a President who tells jokes instead of appointing them.
I have this terrific make-up man. But he’s expensive. I have to bring him in from Lourdes.
I’ve been playing golf a long time, although it’s not really true that on my first round they strapped my bag on the back of a dinosaur.
He was bare chested and in good trim. I said that just looking at him I knew there would always be an England.
Seventy years of ad-lib material, and I am speechless.
The audience was swell. They were so polite they covered their mouths when they yawned.
Ronald Reagan is not a typical politician because he doesn’t know how to lie, cheat, and steal. He’s always had an agent for that.
Out here in the Pacific, they have typhoons and hurricanes that blow over 200 miles an hour. We have tornadoes and hurricanes back home, but I don’t worry about them. The mortgage on my house is so heavy that nothing could budge it.
If they liked you, they didn’t applaud – they let you live.
The Governor has no presidential aspirations. In fact he just made a tour of 43 states just to tell them he’s not running for anything.
Don’t people know that they don’t have to heckle the president of the United States? That’s what Congress is for.
When you get over 95, every day is your day.
To give you an idea of how fast we travelled – we left with two rabbits and when we arrived we still had only two.
The old water heater in my dressing room was working, but it was kind of tired. It gave off about as much warmth as an agent’s handshake.
I don’t do a lot of political jokes. Too many are getting elected.
I’ve been married fifty-five years and I’ve been home three weeks.
Eisenhower admitted that the budget can’t be balanced and McCarthy said the communists are taking over. You don’t know what to worry about these days – whether the country will be overthrown or overdrawn.