When we recall Christmas past, we usually find that the simplest things – not the great occasions – give off the greatest glow of happiness.
A bank is a place that will lend you money if you can prove that you don’t need it.
You know you’re getting old when the candles cost more than the cake.
My idea of Christmas, whether old-fashioned or modern, is very simple: loving others. Come to think of it, why do we have to wait for Christmas to do that?
Golf is a game that needlessly prolongs the lives of some of our most useless citizens.
I’ll tell ’ya how to stay young: Hang around with older people.
Welcome to the Academy Awards, or, as it’s known at my house, Passover.
I don’t feel old. I don’t feel anything till noon. That’s when it’s time for my nap.