Vice President Spiro Agnew can not cheat on his score : because all you have to do is look back down the fairway and count the wounded.
We flew over to England by the same route Churchill took. It was easy. All we had to do was follow the cigar ashes.
England occupies a warm spot in my affections. It was the scene of my greatest performance. I was born there.
The place was so British, I wouldn’t have been surprised if the mice wore monocles.
All British castles and old country homes are supposed to be haunted. It’s in the lease.
There are many talented English personalities, but unfortunately they were all in Hollywood.
There’s a very apt saying in show business: “If you don’t go over budget in Paris, you’re either very rich or very sick. ”
I only speak a little pigeon French. Just enough to get by with the little French pigeons.
Contrary to what certain comedians have led you to believe, the national French pastime is picnicking.
Some people put us down. But I still haven’t heard of any Americans trying to swim across the border into Mexico!
The big difference in those days was that in England the Government subsidized TV, in America we work on TV so we can subsidize the Government.
Sure, we did need the oil in America. How else could Dolly Parton get into some of her dresses?
My father told me all about the birds and the bees, the liar – I went steady with a woodpecker till I was twenty one.
The best thing about growing older is that it takes such a long time.
Having so many gold courses so close together was ideal for me. With my slice I could enjoy three or four golf courses at the same time.
I just hope I don’t have to explain all the times I’ve used His name in vain when I get up there.
I tell jokes to pay my green fees.
There was nothing subtle about our landing. The pilot just pointed the nose at the ground and let her rip.
She spoke perfect English, which led to considerable trouble. She couldn’t understand us at all.
It’s very frustrating making a picture in Paris. We work hard all day at the studio to get a love scene just right. Then, on my way home, I see couples on every street corner doing it better.