Today’s ballroom dances like the swim, the frug, the chicken and the monkey are really nervous disorders set to music.
It sure has been a pleasure for us to broadcast for the sailors and soldiers; besides, its part of the National Defence Program to prepare our boys for anything.
I was lucky, you know, I always had a beautiful girl and the money was good. Although I would have done the whole thing over for, oh, perhaps half.
Failure is the only thing I’ve ever been a success at.
Perfume acts as an anesthetic. By the time she floats a little your way, you’ll promise her anything.
One of the greatest gifts to mankind is laughter, and one of the greatest gifts to laughter is Lucille Ball. God has her now but thanks to television, we’ll have her forever.
Wine, women and song have been replaced by prune juice, a heating pad and the Gong Show.
The home videos aren’t as good, but they are seeming to get better.
I don’t know what people have against government; they haven’t done anything.
You can calculate Zsa Zsa Gabor’s age by the rings on her fingers.
It’s a wonderful world. It may destroy itself but you’ll be able to watch it all on TV.
Jack Benny really liked my book. I know because he called me up from the library and told me.
Don’t tempt me, I can resist anything but temptation.
When they asked Jack Benny to do something for the Actor’s Orphanage – he shot both his parents and moved in.
I have too much money invested in sweaters.
The only thing chicken about Israel is their soup.
The older you get, the tougher it is to lose weight, because by then your body and your fat are really good friends.
I led such a sheltered life I didn’t go out with girls until I was almost four.
Baseball is a soap opera that plays out day after day, one that a lot of elderly women watch until the characters and the plot becomes a part of their life. She got to enjoy the personal side of the players. They were her kids. The Braves were her family.
You know, marriage is making a big comeback. I know personally that in Hollywood people are marrying people they never married before.