A Muslim allowed a topless Jew to sit on his camel. And we say we can’t live side by side? I say we try and we can and we will. And you don’t even have to be topless. L’chaim.
I think the people I talk about are generally so stupid that they don’t even know I’m saying bad things about them. I’ve run into Paris Hilton and she’s like, Oh, I love your show. And I’m like, You can’t love my show if you can hear.
My mother told me that life isn’t always about pleasing yourself and that sometimes you have to do things for the sole benefit of another human being. I completely agreed with her, but reminded her that that was what blow jobs were for.
I think we can all agree that sleeping around is a great way to meet people.
Laugh loudly, laugh often, and most important, laugh at yourself.
A lot of amazing comedians that I’ve worked with just really follow their instincts and you can’t really teach someone comedic timing. And you just kind of have it.
I’m very much about letting other people shine, because it makes us all shine brighter.
You should always speak your mind, and be bold, and be obnoxious, and do whatever you want and don’t let anybody tell you to stop it.
I like to laugh. It’s kind of escapism. I like to make people laugh. And I kind of like people just to have to not think about anything.
I want to start saying bad words all the time!
Hulk Hogan’s wife has filed for divorce. This is the most devastating breakup since Pam Anderson and Tommy Lee. And then Pam Anderson and Kid Rock. And soon, Pam Anderson and Rick Salomon.
The whole thing about my books and my life is that I create drama’s always around me.
It’s true what they say about patience being a virtue; it just happens to be a virtue that I choose not to pursue.
I think bullying of anybody, whether they’re gay or straight or anything in high school is unbearable.
I never say the things I really want to. If I did, I’d have no friends.
We women have to stick together.
I was tortured, and probably half of it was deserved, but I was bullied – so much so that there were days when I was like, ‘I can’t go to school today.’ I was too scared.
The important thing is to be drunk.
It’s a pleasure to play my sister because everything I’ve accused her of my whole life, I can now re-enact before her eyes.
A hotel room all to myself is my idea of a good time.