Most parts in comedy, they’re not really written for men. They’re written for, like, these boy-men.
I’m severely overrated. I’m just above a hack.
Two hours of sparkling entertainment spread out over a four-hour show.
Here’s what I knew about doing a play: I knew it would make me a better actor.
Oprah is so rich, I saw John Kerry proposing to her.
I got love from my family. I don’t really need love from a paper, you know what I mean? I can’t get too happy because somebody said something nice about me. I appreciate it, but let’s not get it twisted – this is not changing my life.
Whenever I go out with other married couples, I like to bring along a single crackhead. Just to spice things up.
I’ll go back to comedy clubs when they get a real no-camera policy, the same way they did with smoking.
You won’t be able to take your eyes off the next four presenters: Salma Hayek and Penelope Cruz.
Comedians tend to find a comfort zone and stay there and do lamer versions of themselves for the rest of their career.
You got a gun, you don’t have to work out.
I had always been – everybody kind of likes comedy. I was very interested in comedy, beyond just liking it. I had friends that took apart radios; I wanted to take apart jokes.
Is America ready for a black president? Well, I say we just had a retarded one. When did being black become a bigger deterrent than being retarded?
Standup comedians are attracted to one another because of their faults. So we’re all kind of messed up in the same way, and once I was around a group of people that saw the world in a different way, it’s like this is where I need to be.
I’ll go with the guy with one house. The guy with one house is scared about losing his house.
There’s no interference in stand-up. It’s all the things it’s hard to get in film: I get to have a wife, I get to have kids. I get to be sexual. I get to grow. I get to be a man.
We got no wealthy black people. We got rich people. Shaq is rich. The guy who signs his checks is wealthy.
Black comics, they only watch Black comedians. You’re a comedian; you’re not just a Black comedian. You’re a comedian. I try to get that through to everybody.
Only married people understand you can be miserable and happy at the same time.
If a woman tells you she’s twenty and looks sixteen, she’s twelve. If she tells you she’s twenty-six and looks twenty-six, she’s damn near fourty.