Bill Cosby was the first comedian I was exposed to, because he doesn’t curse.
I mean no disrespect to anything I did before.
You don’t need a critic to tell you people aren’t laughing.
When you’re white, the sky’s the limit. When you’re black, the limit’s the sky.
I love my life, but I don’t think I’m any happier than my younger brother Andre, who drives a garbage truck.
If you told me two years I would miss the greatest basketball game ever to hang out with Nathan Lane, I’d say, ‘You’re crazy!’
Nobody really wants to be a stand-up, they want to get on TV.
I’m happy if everybody else is. I’m a big brother, the oldest. If you’re happy and I’m not, I’m cool with that. If I’m happy and you’re not, I’m sad.
The best part is just having a partner. There is no real worst part. I’m not going to say there’s a worst part. I mean I’m a comedian – comedians like to work alone. So maybe I’m not the ideal guy to be married to, in that sense.
I love having somebody there – that companion thing. You know who you’re going to eat with, who you’re going to see a movie with.
You can never make a woman happy, it’s impossible. I’ve never met a happy woman in my life. They’re always complaining about something.
If you see a black woman with an overweight white man, you know she got effed up credit!
I know what you’re thinking: why is Chris Rock bagging groceries? But I dropped out of high school in the tenth grade, so if I couldn’t tell jokes this is exactly what I’d be doing.
No film critic’s going to say it, but ‘Madagascar 3’ is better than ‘The Artist.’
One of my daughters told me the other day, “Kevin Hart is funnier than you, Daddy.” I told her, “Does Kevin Hart make you pancakes?”
Right now, my job is that I’m like an ambulance chaser. I’ve got to look for movies with white guys falling out of them.
A black man will be elected President of the United States. I’m sorry, that’s in the year 10,000.
There’s math, and everything else is debatable!
It’s easier to get on show business, the hard part is to maintain. Nobody stays famous forever.
Women can have all the evidence but they still want the confession.