By the time I was 7 or 8, I wanted to be a comedy writer.
After I left high school and got my GED, I studied broadcast journalism for a year at a community college.
I get approached to do shows all the time. There’s a lot of money in sitcoms, but I’ve never been the kind of guy who wanted to do one. I don’t think people want to see me saying “Honey, I’m home.” It’s just not my thing.
I see as white people finding loopholes in the slavery laws.
I’ve been married for 10 years and, you know, it’s hard, you spruce it up and you go places. How do you spruce up anything? Artificially. You go places and do things.
That’s a sure sign someone is going crazy – when he refers to himself in the third person, talks in low tones, and walks around wearing shades all day!
Guys play characters that won’t grow up and something catastrophic happens and they have to grow up to save the day – that’s pretty much what today’s comedy is about.
I want my name to be a brand in comedy. I hope my name stands for comedic excellence.
I like the tradition of the Oscars. I like that some of the greatest comedians ever have hosted the show.
You want to track Hollywood careers, look in the real estate section. You see a guy buy a house that costs $6 million, and you can literally start counting the days until he starts doing crappy movies.
I pride myself on being the guy who can do Def Comedy Jam and Charlie Rose. And do well on both.
It’s weird with stand-up comedy. It doesn’t really translate worldwide. I want to figure out how do I make it worldwide. Do a special in Africa. Can’t beat that. Pull that off, then I will have done something.
A cat, by any other name, is still a sneaky little furball that barfs on the furniture.
You know, you get famous and you work in these weird jobs and you don’t have a lot in common with people. But once you have kids, you have everything in common with everybody.
I think all the funny people were bullied. When they talk about outlawing bullying, it’s like, what? You want no Comedy Central?
You just got to be really logical when you’re a comedian – to a fault. Like a lawyer’s got to believe in the law.
I’m like the Hulk on stage. It’s way over the top. That’s Bizarro Chris. Sometimes I get off stage and go What did I say?! I’ll watch one of my stand-up specials a year later and go Eww, that was mean.
Anything you can suck at should make you nervous.
A comedian has to live in his head. All this comedy comes from a lonely place. When you’re surrounded by an entourage, you’re not living in your head.
The two best things you can do for a person is have sex or make them laugh.