Hi, I’m a buck tooth and I like to be outside past the lips.
I’m interested in doing anything and everything that I can to squeeze the creativity out of my brain. I guess I’m kind of a performance rat, that’s what I want to do, I love being on stage if I’m not on a set. I just love putting creativity into a performance.
Sometimes, when you want to make a difference in a person’s life, stay out of it.
Some girls look beautiful with no makeup on at all. I call them lazy. Now go throw some war paint on you bleak empty canvas you.
Every joke has its origin – the punching people in the face joke. It hurts like hell to get punched in the face.
I want to be able to challenge myself. And do things that are away from what I usually do. Stand-up is safe for me. I can do stand-up in front of twenty-five thousand people, and I’m like, “I know how to do this. This is what I do.” I want to be a little scared.
I’ve been ignoring my feelings lately. That works pretty well. Might also settle for less this week, just to try it out.
When a guy says “I have no idea what you’re talking about” it means “I’m thinking of exactly what you’re saying I did while I lie to you.”
When you delete pictures of your ex off your phone, it feels lighter.
The whole thing with comedy is that you are always in control. Writer, director, actor, producer, and sometimes bouncer. And you are just a piece of their puzzle.
Every great thing starts with an idea, followed by a doubt and finally a resolve to abandon or pursue. Victory is a treacherous journey.
If you’re 1 of the 3 girls in pics with a greaseball whose arms are around you at a club you lose at life. If you’re the greaseball you win.
A couple of days back, I got into a car accident. Not my fault. Even if it’s not your fault, the other person gets out of their car and looks at you like it’s your fault: Why did you stop at a red light and let me hit you doing 80!
I don’t like littering and I think it leads to terrorist activities.
Why do they call it the restroom? Is there anybody just resting in this room?
I don’t like people that litter. If you don’t throw a wrapper in the trashcan and you just toss it out on the ground I wanna take you and toss you into outer space.
We all hope for breakthrough rebirth moments.
I’m glad that my parents missed one thing that was really unbelievable. They saw me hit this great success. It was a blast and we had a lot of laughs. And it was just an amazing time. They passed away. And then after I got, you know, famous, all these haters came out of nowhere.
If you use tact you can say anything, then make it funny.
Jim Norton and Harland Williams always make me laugh.