The problem with writing about religion is that you run the risk of offending sincerely religious people, and then they come after you with machetes.
Magnetism, as you recall from physics class, is a powerful force that causes certain items to be attracted to refrigerators.
Eating rice cakes is like chewing on a foam coffee cup, only less filling.
Dogs feel very strongly that they should always go with you in the car, in case the need should arise for them to bark violently at nothing right in your ear.
We’ll try to cooperate fully with the IRS, because, as citizens, we feel a strong patriotic duty not to go to jail.
I am not the only person who uses his computer mainly for the purpose of diddling with his computer.
I have never had a point in my life to make. I’m just trying to entertain the reader.
To better understand why you need a personal computer, let’s take a look at the pathetic mess you call your life.
Gravity is a contributing factor in nearly 73 percent of all accidents involving falling objects.
I believe that we parents must encourage our children to become educated, so they can get into a good college that we cannot afford.
Reporters aren’t stupid. We were standing around talking about which of the 900 health-care proposals that nobody’s going to accept is that day’s hot news. They know how silly that is. But that’s what they do.
What I look forward to is continued immaturity followed by death.
Dogs need to sniff the ground; it’s how they keep abreast of current events. The ground is a giant dog newspaper, containing all kinds of late-breaking dog news items, which, if they are especially urgent, are often continued in the next yard.
The simple truth is that balding African-American men look cool when they shave their heads, whereas balding white men look like giant thumbs.
I do some of my best reading while seated in the bathroom.
I hate rap music, which to me sounds like a bunch of angry men shouting, possibly because the person who was supposed to provide them with a melody never showed up.
The word user is the word used by the computer professional when they mean idiot.
Thus the metric system did not really catch on in the States, unless you count the increasing popularity of the nine-millimeter bullet.
People are afraid to own their own homes. People are afraid their own government will catch them fixing their houses.
Skiing combines outdoor fun with knocking down trees with your face.