Peace, peace, peace. Peace is organized.
We must have been hunters and gatherers but some of us were just waiters and hopers.
I felt audiences are happier to take comedy people who play darker people because there’s a link between the psychosis of comedy and the psychosis of being a twisted character.
I try to keep performing as much as possible – I just like to. I used to take huge gaps off between gigs, now I just like to do stand-up gigs as much as I can.
I’d be happy to be taken as a woman – and that’s what I was initially trying to do when I started throwing on dresses and stuff. But that wasn’t going to happen because everyone kept calling me sir. So I thought I’d change the method and just start wearing what I wanted to wear.
I’m a dyslexic person, so I avoid books.
My stand-up is quite good now, people say. It’s just like a big conversation each time. Every gig is a rehearsal.
If you go down as a comedian’s comedian, that’s basically meaning other comedians are hopefully feeling that you’re doing okay.
If you’re a performer, people tend to be quite positive about you or they have no opinion.
They say the Universe started with a big bang. I hope everybody stood well back.
The Pope is guarded by the Swiss guard who stand proudly in pajamas and silly hats.
In stand-up it really helps to play yourself and talk about your own feelings. You cannot fail to be original if you’re just talking about what you think about X, Y and Z. Unless you’ve got a twin brother who’s also a stand-up.
Honey bees are amazing creatures. I mean, think about it, do earwigs make chutney?
People still talk about a British sense of humour, or French slapstick or how the Germans have no sense of humour – and it’s just rubbish. I do strongly feel that we are all the bloody same.
I am encyclopaedic on World War II. My dad took me to D-Day beaches when I was a kid. I was there four years ago – every five years they have a remembrance on D-Day beaches and I would have liked to have been there and done my bit.
I appreciate your applause, but I don’t do it for applause. I do it for cash, it’s much better.
Poetry is very similar to music, only less notes and more words.
Queen Victoria, one of our more frumpy Queen’s. They’re all frumpy aren’t they? Because it’s a bad idea when cousin’s marry.
Sharks are just evil bastards. I’m quite happy if all the sharks just went, because they eat fish and us. And we need the fish.
Boy bands should be exploded from a great height. They’re just pretty people singing music written by others.