I want to resume the life of a shy person.
A minister has to be able to read a clock. At noon, it’s time to go home and turn up the pot roast and get the peas out of the freezer.
A good newspaper is never nearly good enough but a lousy newspaper is a joy forever.
Life is unjust and this is what makes it so beautiful. Every day is a gift. Be brave and take hold of it.
I’ve seen the truth, and it makes no sense.
Enough. Man is capable of reform once presented with the facts, and the fact is that bottling water and shipping it is a big waste of fuel, so stop already.
I have taken so many wrong turns and been so careless with precious things and managed to lose, or break, or leave out in the rain so much that I loved.
Some people have a love of their fellow man in their hearts, and others require a light anesthetic.
He was admired for never being at a loss for words and never wasting any either.
You’re such a big liar you gotta get your neighbor to call your dog.
It’s important for survival that children have their own experiences, the kind they learn from. The kind their parents arrange for are not as useful. Good parents are the hardest to get rid of.
Just because we’re fictional characters doesn’t mean you can pick us up and move us anywhere you want. – the people of Lake Woebegon.
Selective ignorance, a cornerstone of child rearing. You don’t put kids under surveillance: it might frighten you. Parents should sit tall in the saddle and look upon their troops with a noble and benevolent and extremely nearsighted gaze.
They say such nice things about people at their funerals that it makes me sad that I’m going to miss mine by just a few days.
A man can’t eat anger for breakfast and sleep with it at night and not suffer damage to his soul.
Dogs don’t lie and why should I? Strangers come they growl and bark, they know their loved ones in the dark, Now let me, by night or day, Be just as full of truth as they.
Humor has to surprise us; otherwise, it isn’t funny. It’s a death knell for a writer to be labeled a humorist because then it’s not a surprise anymore.
There’s so many people who move around our country and lose track of their own ancestry. It’s nice to know where you come from.
My ancestors were Puritans from England. They arrived here in 1648 in the hope of finding greater restrictions than were permissible under English law at that time.
A person does feel sheepish picking on journalists, a class already so richly despised that if a planeload of them crashed in flames, most people would smile from pure reflex.