America of the future will be all malls connected by interstates. All because your parents no longer can their own tomatoes.
All fiction comes from a little bit of reality, otherwise it would have no relevance. The fun is in innovation, take something real like this fair, and make it something larger than life.
The relationship between truth and a newspaper is like the relationship between the color green and the number seven. Occasionally you will see the number seven written in green, but you learn not to expect this.
Children can find other children to be pals. Children need fathers to be fathers.
I don’t want them to be told to remember me.
Boys, the first drink is a boon, the second is a gamble, the third is poor judgment, and then the rate of descent gets steep.
Being an English major prepares you for impersonating authority.
March is the month God created to show people who don’t drink what a hangover is like.
Life is continuous. Life never stops. We come to the really great questions and before we can answer them, life has moved on to something else.
As for kissing on the first date, you should never date someone whom you would not wish to kiss immediately.
Eating a little was like vomiting a little, just as bad as a lot.
TV news is as bloody as Shakespeare but without the intelligence and the poetry. If you watch television news you know less about the world than if you drank gin out of a bottle.
Cleverness is a burden after that. You are supposed to settle down and be a good person, raise your children, and be good to your friends, which you may not have been back when you were clever.
Easter is so disappointing. You suffer all the way through lent, and what do you get for it? A ham.
No innocent man buys a gun, and no happy man writes his memoirs.
It is a sin to believe evil of others but it is seldom a mistake.
When in doubt, look intelligent.
If you lived today as if it were your last, you’d buy up a box of rockets and fire them all off, wouldn’t you?
Evelyn was an insomniac so when they say she died in her sleep, you have to question that.
Lake Wobegon, the little town that time forgot and the decades cannot improve.