The very existence of flame-throwers proves that some time, somewhere, someone said to themselves, You know, I want to set those people over there on fire, but I’m just not close enough to get the job done.
Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.
If all the world is a stage, where is the audience sitting?
We have multiplied our possessions, but reduced our values.
Capitalism tries for a delicate balance: It attempts to work things out so that everyone gets just enough stuff to keep them from getting violent and trying to take other people’s stuff.
People who own everything know how to relax a little and bend and exhale once in a while, but they’re not going to let it get out of control.
If a man smiles all the time, he’s probably selling something that doesn’t work.
Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid someone will clean them?
The child molester skipped breakfast, but said he’d grab a little something on the way to work.
Why don’t they have waiters in waiting rooms?
Professional soldiers are people who die for a living.
All the wrong things for all the wrong reasons. Sometimes people just want to feel different. And so long as Third World peasants are poor they will send us drugs, and as long as we are empty we will ask for this little plant.
There’s a humorous side to every situation. The challenge is to find it.
Politicians are put there to give you the idea that you have freedom of choice. You don’t.
That’s the whole meaning of life, isn’t it? Trying to find a place for your stuff.
Dogs lead a nice life. You never see a dog with a wristwatch.
What occurs as you age is an accumulation of information, data, knowledge, and what I’m going to call the matrix of the mind. There’s just a rich, textured, field of information and impressions that have been all networked by the brain.
By and large, language is a tool for concealing the truth.
I hate Dr Phil. Dr Phil told me to express my feelings, so I’m expressing them.
I’ve never seen a homeless guy with a bottle of Gatorade.