History is not happenstance: it is conspiratorial. Carefully planned and executed by people in power.
When people say “clean as a whistle”, they forget that a whistle is full of spit.
We created god in our own image and likeness!
No one is more himself than the moment when he’s laughing at a joke. It’s at those moments that people’s defenses go down, and that’s when you can slip in a good idea.
You show me a tropical fruit and I’ll show you a cocksucker from Guatemala.
Beethoven was so hard of hearing, he thought he was a painter.
If work is so terrific, how come they have to pay you to do it?
I never joined the Boy Scouts. I don’t trust any organization that has a handbook.
If people stand in a circle long enough, they’ll eventually begin to dance.
When you quit school at an early age, I think you have a lifelong need to show the world – and maybe yourself – that you’re really smart after all.
Bowling is not a sport because you have to rent the shoes. When Will Jesus Bring the Pork Chops? This title offends all three major religions, and even vegetarians!
I finally accepted Jesus. not as my personal savior, but as a man I intend to borrow money from.
I never take credit for anything, because it’s mostly genetic to my way of thinking. Even the need to work hard with some genetic talent you’re given – the need to go out and develop it, and push hard to bring it to people.
The planet isn’t going anywhere. We are.
We spend the early years feeding our brains with information and the latter half trying not to think about it all.
People have material needs, but you don’t need a deodorant for every different day of the week. You don’t need four hundred varieties of mustard. This is what I call too many choices. There are too many choices in America.
Surround yourself with what you love, whether it’s family, pets, keepsakes, music, plants, hobbies, whatever.
The god excuse, the last refuge of a man with no answers and no argument.
I worry about my judgment when anything I believe in or do regularly begins to be accepted by the American public.
Let’s not have a double standard. One standard will do just fine.