I knew a transsexual guy whose only ambition is to eat, drink, and be Mary.
I became a guy who wanted to be a comedian someday, or a comic actor. The way I put it was, I’ll be like Danny Kaye. He was kind of the model I had in mind.
If we could just find out who’s in charge, we could kill him.
Standing ovations have become far too commonplace. What we need are ovations where the audience members all punch and kick one another.
Do you think Sammy Davis ate Junior Mints?
I gravitated toward being a funny guy. I liked the radio comedians. I lived in the Golden Age of radio, and the Golden Age of television came along when I was still in my early teens.
For a while, I thought of myself as an atheist until I realized it was a belief, too. It’s a shame everything has to have a label.
I don’t vote. We’re led to believe we’re free through the exercise of ineffective freedoms.
Life is tough, then you die.
The surgeon general warned today that saliva causes stomach cancer. But apparently only when swallowed in small amounts over a long period of time.
Personally, emotionally, I’d rather divorce myself from the world than face the heartbreak of partial success. Because partial success implies overwhelming failure.
I think we overrate ourselves in terms of our abilities and capacities. I mean, just because you can build a really swell bridge doesn’t, to my way of thinking, mean that you’re an advanced civilization.
When I hear a person talking about political solutions, I know I am not listening to a serious person.
I think it’s important to break taboos for the same reason it’s important to break laws and rules – because either you’re a slave to them, or you’re taking matters into your hands.
Religion is a self-conferred intellectual decision; it’s not something you get at birth and is unchangeable. You’re collusive with the religion when you accept it; you have a choice.
I did a lot of thinking, and used mental activity to relieve whatever feelings I had. I became very left-brained, and I was good in school. That is, I was a smart kid.
I don’t consider myself a cynic. I think of myself as a skeptic and a realist.
If I ever lose my mind I hope some honest person will find it and take it to Lost and Found.
Comedy, although it is not one of the fine arts – it’s a vulgar art, it’s one of the people’s arts, it’s the spoken word, the writing that goes into it is an art form – it’s certainly artistry.
That’s basically what the drive is: “I want to be famous, I want to be noticed, and I want to be approved of.” That’s basically what you’re after. “Give me attention, give me applause, give me an audience. A. A. A. Straight As.” That’s all you’re looking for.