To be intoxicated is to feel sophisticated, but not be able to say it.
Catholics are against abortions. Catholics are against homosexuals. But, I can’t think of anyone who has less abortions than homosexuals!
At best, God can be viewed as nothing more than an uncaring incompetent father-figure.
Religion is the worst thing that ever happened to mankind – the ironic part is that it’s presented as a good thing, and its effect is absolutely catastrophic to individuals and to societies.
The first obligation I have is to be funny; it’s my first impulse and an instinct. I like being funny and finding the jokes.
The whole problem with this idea of obscenity and indecency, and all of these things – bad language and whatever – it’s all caused by one basic thing, and that is: religious superstition.
Interesting form of murder we come up with: Assassination. We assassinate people who’ve told us to live together in harmony and try to love one another. Apparently we are not ready to live together.
Life is not that complicated.
I like my jokes to be built on a foundation of ideas, or at least smart observations.
The main reason women are crazy, is that men are stupid.
As powerful as anyone may claim God to be, somehow he always needs money.
Catholic school gave me the tools to reject the very religion they wanted me to have. They taught me how to think for myself and to be independent.
More people write poetry than read it.
If at first you don’t succeed, redefine success.
Why is it called tourist season if we can’t shoot at them?
When you visualize the recent past, do you see it as being somewhere over on the left?
What exactly is “midair”? Is there some other part of air besides the “mid” part?
We now buy watches primarily for their looks, price, or additional functions. The fact that they tell time seems lost.
Broadway isn’t a very big career move. There’s no money in it and it doesn’t mean anything to your career. It’s just a nice little jewel in the crown.
I’m 63 now. But that’s just 17 Celsius.