People who own everything know how to relax a little and bend and exhale once in a while, but they’re not going to let it get out of control.
If a man smiles all the time, he’s probably selling something that doesn’t work.
Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid someone will clean them?
The child molester skipped breakfast, but said he’d grab a little something on the way to work.
Why don’t they have waiters in waiting rooms?
Professional soldiers are people who die for a living.
All the wrong things for all the wrong reasons. Sometimes people just want to feel different. And so long as Third World peasants are poor they will send us drugs, and as long as we are empty we will ask for this little plant.
There’s a humorous side to every situation. The challenge is to find it.
Politicians are put there to give you the idea that you have freedom of choice. You don’t.
That’s the whole meaning of life, isn’t it? Trying to find a place for your stuff.
Dogs lead a nice life. You never see a dog with a wristwatch.
What occurs as you age is an accumulation of information, data, knowledge, and what I’m going to call the matrix of the mind. There’s just a rich, textured, field of information and impressions that have been all networked by the brain.
By and large, language is a tool for concealing the truth.
I hate Dr Phil. Dr Phil told me to express my feelings, so I’m expressing them.
A crumb is a great thing: If you break a crumb in half, you don’t get two half-crumbs, you get two crumbs. Doesn’t that violate some law of physics?
I’ve never seen a homeless guy with a bottle of Gatorade.
When you step on the brakes your life is in your foot’s hands.
People are dreaming if they think they have rights. They’ve never had rights. There’s no such thing.
I respect animals. I have more sympathy for an injured or dead animal than I do for an injured or dead human being, because human beings participate and cooperate in their own undoing. Animals are completely innocent. There are no innocent human beings.
Swimming is not a sport. Swimming is a way to keep from drowning. That’s just common sense!