Germany lost the Second World War. Fascism won it. Believe me, my friend.
If drumsticks are for playing drums, you would think that breadsticks would be for playing bread, wouldn’t you? “Would you like some breadsticks?” “No, thank you, I don’t play bread. I play drums. Perhaps I’ll have a drum roll.”
Give now. Somewhere, someone feels crappy. You can help.
Leftovers make you feel good twice. First, when you put it away, you feel thrifty and intelligent: ‘I’m saving food!’ Then a month later when blue hair is growing out of the ham, and you throw it away, you feel really intelligent: ‘I’m saving my life!’
In high school, when I first heard of entropy, I was attracted to it immediately. They said that in nature all systems are breaking down, and I thought, What a wonderful thing; perhaps I can make some small contribution to this process, myself.
Cancer research is a growth industry.
No, there’s no God, but there might be some sort of an organizing intelligence, and I think to understand it is way beyond our ability. It’s certainly not a judgmental entity. It’s certainly not paternalistic and all these qualities that have been attributed to God.
There are ten thousand people in the United States in a persistent vegetative state. Just enough to start a small town. Think of them as veggie-burghers.
If no one knows when a person is going to die, how can we say he died prematurely?
A cat will blink when struck with a hammer.
I love and treasure individuals as I meet them, I loath and despise the groups they identify or belong to.
Baseball is the only major sport that appears backwards in a mirror.
I used to be Irish Catholic. Now I’m an American – you know, you grow.
You can’t fight City Hall, but you can goddamn sure blow it up.
You’re all going to die. I hate to remind you, but it is on your schedule. It probably won’t happen when you’d like; generally, it’s an inconvenience.
Why do they bother with a suicide watch when someone is on death row? “Keep an eye on this guy. We’re gonna kill him, and we don’t want him to hurt himself.”
I never worry that all hell will break loose. My concern is that only part of hell will break loose and be much harder to detect.
Eventually, alas, I realized the main purpose of buying cocaine is to run out of it.
As you swim the river of live, do the breast stroke. It helps to clear the turds from your path.
I had no shoes, and I felt sorry for myself until I met a man who had no feet. I took his shoes. Now I feel better.