Because we were a poor area, the school had a small budget and was unable to teach the second half of the alphabet.
I’ve never owned a telescope, but it’s something I’m thinking of looking into.
The symphony orchestra had played poorly, so the conductor was in a bad mood. That night he beat his wife – because the music hadn’t been beautiful enough.
Pacifism is a nice idea but it can get you killed. We’re not there yet. Evolution is slow, small pox is fast.
She was only a prostitute, but she had the nicest face I ever came across.
I went through the usual stages: imp, rascal, scalawag, whippersnapper. And, of course, after that it’s just a small step to full-blown sociopath.
When I got out of high school they retired my jersey, but it was for hygiene and sanitary reasons.
Never let the brain idle. ‘An idle mind is the devil’s workshop.’ And the devil’s name is Alzheimer’s.
People who ask “Can I ask you a question?” Didn’t really give me a choice, did ya there buddy?
We are all precancerous.
Don’t take guilt trips. Take a trip to the mall, to the next county, to a foreign country, but NOT to where the guilt is.
So I want to thank the Pentagon, the Soviet Union and the military-industrial complex from the bottom of my heart. Without them, I could never have become the man I am today.
The Human Species could have been great but instead we became satisfied with lights on our tennis shoes.
Avoid teams at all cost. Keep your circle small. Never join a group that has a name.
Why do we say something is out of whack? What is a whack?
Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?
In TV today, you can say I pricked my finger, but you can’t say it the other way around.
If God is all powerful, can He make a stone so big that He Himself can’t lift it?
Energy experts have announced the development of a new fuel made from human brain tissue. It’s called assohol.
I like Florida. Everything is in the 80s. The temperatures, the ages and the IQ’s.