Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read.
I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a book.
When you’re in jail, a good friend will be trying to bail you out. A best friend will be in the cell next to you saying, ‘Damn, that was fun’.
Some people claim that marriage interferes with romance. There's no doubt about it. Anytime you have a romance, your wife is bound to interfere.
The problem with doing nothing is that you never know when you’re finished.
We’ll meet at the theater tonight. I’ll hold your seat ’til you get there. Once you get there; you’re on your own.
Hollywood brides keep the bouquets and throw away the grooms.
Anything that can’t be done in bed isn’t worth doing at all.
I, not events, have the power to make me happy or unhappy today. I can choose which it shall be. Yesterday is dead, tomorrow hasn’t arrived yet. I have just one day, today, and I’m going to be happy in it.
Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.
Each morning when I open my eyes I say to myself: I, not events, have the power to make me happy or unhappy today.