Either he’s dead or my watch has stopped.
A man’s only as old as the woman he feels.
I’m not feeling very well – I need a doctor immediately. Ring the nearest golf course.
All people are born alike – except Republicans and Democrats.
Life is a whim of several billion cells to be you for a while.
I never forget a face, but in your case I’ll be glad to make an exception.
Only one man in a thousand is a leader of men – the other 999 follow women.
A child of five would understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five.
Man does not control his own fate. The women in his life do that for him.
Marriage is a wonderful institution, but who wants to live in an institution?
Time wounds all heels.
I’m not crazy about reality, but it’s still the only place to get a decent meal.
Military justice is to justice what military music is to music.
I have had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn’t it.
I remember the first time I had sex – I kept the receipt.
The husband who wants a happy marriage should learn to keep his mouth shut and his checkbook open.
Whoever named it necking was a poor judge of anatomy.
I must confess, I was born at a very early age.
I’m leaving because the weather is too good. I hate London when it’s not raining.
Alimony is like buying hay for a dead horse.