Wives are people who feel they don’t dance enough.
Now there’s a man with an open mind – you can feel the breeze from here!
Some day there will have to be some new rules established about name-calling. I don’t mean the routine cursing that goes on between husband and wife, but the naming of defenseless, unsuspecting babies.
It’s hard to get ivory in Africa, but in Alabama the Tuscaloosa.
Room service? Send up a larger room.
Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana.
Many years ago I chased a woman for almost two years, only to discover that her tastes were exactly like mine: we both were crazy about girls.
It isn’t so much that hard times are coming; the change observed is mostly soft times going.
Go, and never darken my towels again.
I didn’t like the play, but then I saw it under adverse conditions – the curtain was up.
If I held you any closer I would be on the other side of you.
If we had some eggs we could have eggs and ham, if we had some ham.
If income tax is the price you have to pay to keep the government on its feet, alimony is the price we have to pay for sweeping a woman off hers.
I’ve been looking for a girl like you – not you, but a girl like you.
No, Groucho is not my real name. I am breaking it in for a friend.
Hello, I must be going, I cannot stay, I came to say, I must be going. I’m glad I came, but just the same, I must be going.
I’m not a vegetarian, but I eat animals who are.
A clown is like aspirin, only he works twice as fast.
The Arab and the camel are inseparable. It’s been said that and Arab would give up his wife rather than give up his camel. Personally, I haven’t got a camel, but I think it’s a great idea.
I am a man and you are a woman. I can’t think of a better arrangement.