No, Groucho is not my real name. I am breaking it in for a friend.
Hello, I must be going, I cannot stay, I came to say, I must be going. I’m glad I came, but just the same, I must be going.
I’m not a vegetarian, but I eat animals who are.
A clown is like aspirin, only he works twice as fast.
The Arab and the camel are inseparable. It’s been said that and Arab would give up his wife rather than give up his camel. Personally, I haven’t got a camel, but I think it’s a great idea.
I am a man and you are a woman. I can’t think of a better arrangement.
A woman can smell mink through six inches of lead.
If you are not having fun you are doing something wrong.
He thinks I look alike!
The Alps are a simple folk, living on a diet of old shoes. And the Lord Alps those who alp themselves.
I think that the Peeps or Peppies or Pipes diaries would be much more popular had there been a universal pronuncation of his name.
Afraid? Me? A man who’s licked his weight in wild caterpillars?
Before you speak, make certain you have something worthwhile to say.
The difference between a politician and a snail is that the snail leaves its slime behind. Whoever named it necking was a poor judge of anatomy.
I would never join a country club with standards so low as to allow me as a member.
I’m not going to pay good money to join a club that lets in people like me.
The Two Most Important Words In The World Are Honesty And Sincerity, If You Can Fake These You’ve Got It Made.
If you take cranberries and stew them like apple sauce, it tastes much more like prunes than rhubarb does.
There are only two things you can start without a plan: a riot and a family. For everything else, you need a plan.
You bet I’m shy. I’m a shyster lawyer.