Poverty makes people sub-human Excess of wealth makes people inhuman.
It is impossible to design anything that is foolproof because fools are so ingenious.
I love to read. My education is self-inflicted.
Comedians are a much rarer and far more valuable commodity than all the gold and precious stones in the world.
An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of bandages and adhesive tape.
Money cannot buy you happiness, and happiness cannot buy you money. That might be a wise crack, but I doubt it.
Growing old is something you do if you’re lucky.
Hey you! I told you to slow that nag down! Because of you, I almost heard the opera!
You call this a party? The beer is warm, the women cold and I’m hot under the collar.
If he’s been married for 31 years, he’s not the same man.
You’re heading for a breakdown. Why don’t you pull yourself to pieces.
You get a canoe later and I’ll paddle you.
But what makes wage slaves? Wages!
Anybody who doesn’t like this book is healthy.
I hope they bury me near a strait man.
I met my wife on a ferry boat, and when we landed she gave me the slip.
I think you’ve got something there, but I’ll wait outside until you clean it up.
I was born at a very early age. Before I had time to regret it, I was four and a half years old.
I’ve known and respected your husband for many years, and what’s good enough for him is good enough for me.
Take two turkeys, one goose, four cabbages, but no duck, and mix them together. After one taste, you’ll duck soup for the rest of your life.