A woman can smell mink through six inches of lead.
If you are not having fun you are doing something wrong.
He thinks I look alike!
The Alps are a simple folk, living on a diet of old shoes. And the Lord Alps those who alp themselves.
I think that the Peeps or Peppies or Pipes diaries would be much more popular had there been a universal pronuncation of his name.
Afraid? Me? A man who’s licked his weight in wild caterpillars?
Before you speak, make certain you have something worthwhile to say.
The difference between a politician and a snail is that the snail leaves its slime behind. Whoever named it necking was a poor judge of anatomy.
I would never join a country club with standards so low as to allow me as a member.
I’m not going to pay good money to join a club that lets in people like me.
The Two Most Important Words In The World Are Honesty And Sincerity, If You Can Fake These You’ve Got It Made.
If you take cranberries and stew them like apple sauce, it tastes much more like prunes than rhubarb does.
There are only two things you can start without a plan: a riot and a family. For everything else, you need a plan.
You bet I’m shy. I’m a shyster lawyer.
Poverty makes people sub-human Excess of wealth makes people inhuman.
It is impossible to design anything that is foolproof because fools are so ingenious.
I love to read. My education is self-inflicted.
Comedians are a much rarer and far more valuable commodity than all the gold and precious stones in the world.
An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of bandages and adhesive tape.
Money cannot buy you happiness, and happiness cannot buy you money. That might be a wise crack, but I doubt it.